Aniesha's Musings

Hey guys.... (but hardly any of you read it these days!) Let me just say Singapore the first time seems like an incredible place to be. But the 2nd time, it's like re-watching some lame movie again... x-( I went to the Jurong Bird park yesterday, and not only did I yawn through the first show, I even took a tram ride through the place. Something I wouldn't even dream about during my last stay here.... :P I actually was yawning...so imagine how bored I had been... *sighs* And today I will be going to a cousin's house for dinner...hopefully the food is going to be good. See even my blog would tell you how not enthusiastic I am about my stay this time around...Honestly, I am not coming back around here, till I have enough money to go on a world tour..... signing off to day dreams now..... :D

It's been five days now,
And I've not heard your voice -
Whispering words to me in the dark,
Or telling that I'm in your heart...

Five days that we have been
In different time zones -
I just can't keep you away from my mind,
I hate being here alone.

I wake up every day to count,
How many more days I have to stay
In this country, that really feels
Too damn far away.

My mind never lets you go,
Your face swims up every now and then
And wonder if you know,
I think of when I'll see you again...

It's just midnight there now,
And edging towards dawn here
Still somehow,
I can't sleep...thinking of you.

It's quite crazy how much
I love you...
And a voice whispers in my head,
Do you love me too?

Are you awake nights on end...
Thinking about how bittersweet life can be?
Or are you sprawled across your bed-
Thinking about how you are free?

Why does my heart feel torn,
And do I feel such pain?
Why does this nagging voice say:
You'll be fine when you see him again???

Whenever I look in the mirr…

Now I am going to say, my stay here is improving a little. Remember the night safari I had ranted about the last time I had visited this country? We went back there again & this time it was nothing less than brilliant... I mean we followed the leopard trail again, but what we didn't know last time was the fact some of the animals can only be accessed through the tram ride...like the elephant, the rhinos, the giraffes, the hippos, the deer....I mean, I will go crazy naming all these animals that I saw yesterday. And even the night show called 'Creatures of the Night' was just AMAZING... :)) I'd missed the last time... It was really amazing... ahh the swishy tailed animals really made my night...and the little otters teaching us about recycling was another very amazing thing... :D I really loved the whole get up.
And today...the dolphin and the sea seal show was really took my breath away, you know... that is worth going to Sentosa... otherwise, it's basically a u…

Yes, they do change...I was so excited about coming here...but two days, and I want to go back to MY KOLKATA. Singapore doesn't exactly suck, but um...it's so very I don't know lame? Because I've been here before and it's so boring!!! :( Eleven more days and I'll be HOME :) *dances*

It's a vicious cycle;
Perhaps poisoned too -
But then, how was I to know?
That things would keep changing; even if I don't want!

Every time I came out of love,
My mind grew strong-
But with each encounter
My heart has grown weak.

Even the slightest flick,
makes it crumble to dust.
The cruel voices all around;
makes it difficult to trust.

Yet those who are valued most;
Allowed to catch the glimpses of the broken heart-
Are the ones who trample it with words,
Which wrenches my mind apart.

The funny thing is that they have witnessed
Me - at my vulnerable best.
But at any given opportunity;
Nothing sets them apart from the rest.

Funny, that they had claimed
Never to say or do things which hurt -
But hey, who can resist temptation,
At least once in awhile?

So you find moments when the
tears threaten to fall....
And the walls that you had built;
Crumbles down and you don't even call.

Call out for help or ask for it;
It feels like you knew this was going to come your way -
You are only glad that this,
Doesn…

I saw her from a distance, twirling around,
with her eyes close...seemed to recall some memory.
I could only hope from a distance it would be about me.
I tiptoed up to her without a sound.

She lightly bumped into me, and opened her eyes.
I could see that the hazel reflected surprise,
But a grin broke out across her face.
She looked pretty in her white sundress.

She took her hand in mine and we broke out in a run,
But I tripped and fell face down,
A giggle from above greeted me, "when will you ever learn?"
I reached out and made her fall into my arms, on the ground.

Our laughter died when our eyes met,
Everything else about the world we did forget.
For hours on end we lay
Noticed not when it turned night from day.

Then just as suddenly she got up and ran off,
And I rolled around in the grass wondering whether I should laugh.
I did not know if I should be sad,
Because for all those hours it was only her who I had.

In those stolen hours she had been only mine,
And smiled realizi…

I have registered my blog under a creative commons license, thereby copyrighting my work to my own name. I have posted the link in my very first blog entry in 2008. Just to be clear here is another reminder:


A Rainfall of Words by Aniesha Brahma is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Yes, my beloveds....I am going back again!!!! :D And in just 2 more months.... honestly, just WAKE ME UP WHEN SEPTEMBER ENDS..................:)

I've left the part of my life behind,
And sometimes I still search for it...
Though I know that I would never find,
Those brilliant days when I was in school...

I've come far ahead from those times,
When playing pranks and cracking jokes,
Was hand in hand with writing silly rhymes,
In effort to impress both crushes and friends.

I've come away from the most unscarred days,
The time when everything was seen in colors,
The time when "judging" was not one of the ways,
In the language of friendship, that I had known.

And now from the place that I am left standing,
I wonder how those days had slipped past,
How I ever forced myself into this crash landing...
I can't even remember the proper breaths I had taken last.

I seem to be surrounded these days by people who say sorry,
Who put lovely thoughts in your head, and tear your mind,
And turn around and tell you not to worry,
Because they keep hoping, the things you want, you find.

Ah hail the hypocrites, that can't be numbered on yo…

When I pick up my guitar these days,
My mind wanders away...
Into those nights when I used to play,
Sweet melodies and just for you.
How was I to know those times would be so few.

You blame me for not trying to make it last,
But I am tired of trying and going back to the past.
Time never stands still - it just goes by too fast.
And I play a new tune, though I know it won't reach your ears.
But I sometimes wonder what you could really hear...

The haunting melodies of a life full of comfort and care,
Knowing too well, you could always come back, because I was there.
I used to tell you that one day you just might wake and find me gone.
Because I getting spent trying to find new ways to play the old song.
Sometimes, I still wonder whether I was always alone.

As I pluck the stings of my guitar,
I wish you every happiness - no matter where you are.
You say I should give one last chance to make things fine.
But I wish you had realized what you had, when you were mine.
Things never did dawn on your head on …

It is not that I loved you less,
But you didn't know -
How I made up a mess.
Of fine things. One day.
I was trying to runaway.
I tried to face my fears,
And your face : it suddenly disappeared.
I am truly sorry, and I know guilt doesn't help.
And even you know yourself,
I have fallen pretty badly for another.
Because life is unfair and full of bothers.
You say you can forgive me and start again.
But you have no idea what happens to me, when it begins to rain.
His face is stuck pretty badly in my head.
Though I keep praying, he would from my memory fade.
tell me now, what should I do?
find a way to start anew?
what good would that possibly bring?
seeing your sweet face would just stop my heart from singing...
Wrench my soul apart,
Because I know I broke your heart.
You cannot always pretend,
Just because I am your best friend -
That I can't make no mistakes.
I know, it's me, it's always me, who just got too late.
even if I do apologize,
the same things, the same emotions wouldn't surfac…

She sits before the window,
Gazing up at the sky -
Always wondering why...
The dreams of her soul can never die.
She watches the silver moon -
Shinning brightly amongst the blue sky.
There's not a single shadow
In her blank mind; yet to be painted.
With the different hues.
She whispers to the wind -
I do love you.
But if only he could hear the words that fell
from the sweet parting of her lips,
The moon had cast a spell
Upon the girl, who wanted to say a lot.
Yet whenever he came in front of her
She swallowed those words- and herself forgot.
The moon - the light from the silver ball.
It would simply make her fall -
Fall even more helplessly in love...
With her feelings being as constant as the stars above
She sighs and continues to gaze at the moon...
For in her heart, only this love has room.

I know that at times,
life becomes difficult...
And there seems to be no other way left.
Than to simply run.
But where's the sense in that?
Because each time you try to runaway -
You come back to the same place again.
Maybe we never understand the extent
of our decisions.
The worth of the people in our lives.
And we simply abuse good things -
Because better ones seem to be always
A little way off...
Twenty one year old and not much idea
about this world.
Yet somehow always finding myself in the wrong.
Never in the right.
Dreams were meant for a peaceful night's sleep.
But life?
Life is much more.
When troubles come, it doesn't mean
it is here to stay.
I know...I just know...
If I'm ever given another chance,
I'll know to make life come around,
turn my way.
:-)

And doesn't it always seem,
That we're waking up from a dream?
I know, I keep telling myself,
That there was never something to help.
Just like the moon had climbed the mountains,
Only to finally vanish into the morning.
All these days would disappear,
And there would not be the same feeling.
I feel like I had been dreaming too long,
With the tunes playing, the words of a song
Which only I know off by heart.
Time would never standstill and we'll part.
The insane dreams that try to make us believe more than we dare,
And we fall in and begin to really care.
More than we really should.
But I know that I never could,
Let myself really wake up from the dreams - maybe untrue.
Because they were the only place where I had you.
I know I will never have you exactly the way you want,
And thoughts of you, will forever my memory, haunt.
Leave me where I am because I know I cannot fall,
I just want to see you through it all.
Be well always, and I wish you the best.
Do what you really want to in life, and leav…

You'd walked by my side, telling me
You will always be there -
Even if difficulties come between
And everything seems unfair
But you had to be mean.

When you couldn't handle staying on
You chose to turn away
And tell me to come out of my world of dreams
You said it was for my sake you won't stay.
But all you were was mean!

I let you do as you very well please
Friendship - unconditional - you always had
Yet you still say that nothing is like it seems.
And you told me words that make me feel sad
So you decided to be mean.

When I finally got used to a life
Which didn't have a single trace of you.
You decided you didn't like where you'd been.
Without my friendship you'd fallen through -
And you came back but you were still mean.

Even if you swear nothing again will come between,
I'll never forgive you for being mean.

Why couldn't you leave when I asked you to?
Why did you stay when I wanted you gone?
And now when I got used to your presence,
You turned around and said, "so long!"

Goodbye, Goodbye.
You taught me more than this world,
I will never trust another person again.
But thank you for making a woman of this girl.
We only grow up when we are caused pain.

But before you leave, forever and never return,
Answer me this - before the setting sun -
Why didn't you go when I told you shouldn't stay?
Why did let me believe time will make things okay?

Goodbye, Goodbye,
Don't answer any questions I might ask,
I would rather be dancing somewhere else wearing a mask.
I will always remain indebted to for letting me make mistakes,
For now I know things are always messy, no matter what are the stakes.

You should have left when I told you to go,
All that I know is now that I don't know,
How to get used to a life where you don't exist.
And how to tell myself you're a person I should never miss…

I've never known a life, where you don't exist
And I can never imagine being all by myself
My dreams were not intertwined with yours
Sometimes we just need to let things go
Our wishes have little to do with the truth
Reality doesn't always have to be how you want it
Reasons are never enough
You will always be remembered and cherished
For though I might move away from you
Our memories will still be mingled with the wind
Roads ahead of us would take us where we ought to go
However, I just wish for you to know
Understanding me was a choice you had made
Regret your decision or not, I must say
Time is the only thing we can depend on
It will help and heal us, and seal our memories
Never let go what remains now, though they blow in the wind
Ghosts from the past would remain forever more
Your dreams might not always echo my reality
Our worlds had met briefly just to part,
Under the violet moon, perhaps there will be a new start...

Every night the same old dreams would haunt her sleep,
She would be standing at a corner, trying not to weep-
He would not look at her and treat like the wall
and she would keep wondering if ever he'd fall...

Fall in love with her, because she was enchanted
By his smile, the way he talked and she wondered if her wish would be granted,
Just to be able to go and share a dance with him -
Because they remained apart even in her dreams.

She was enchanted by the way he looked at life
They way he laughed and conquered each strife
But he never seemed to look at her the way she wanted,
Little did she know even he was enchanted...

Enchanted by her quiet ways, the simple way she lived,
She was nothing less than an angel, he believed.
He always wondered what secrets her eyes did keep,
Because she haunted him in his sleep.

The one quiet evening, when the music was a little sad and slow,
They stood outside in the garden as the breeze blows...
For the first time their eyes met;
Under an enchanted spell their heart…

Soft music plays in the background,
And I smile to myself...
Remembering the days I had been crying out for help....
It came to me with a sound.

A song that engulfed my soul,
Wrapped tightly around my heart
When I didn't know even know that it had a start,
And wove a spell beyond my control...

I know that there would be people you miss,
There will be ones you remember, crying into the night
And whose memories will dance into your mind at a beautiful vanilla twilight,
Sometimes you'd be wondering how to deal with this....

Don't let a tear drop in the silence of the night,
Put your arms around yourself, till the someone comes along
And you won't feel alone; and listen to the beautiful song...
Stay drenched in the vanilla twilight...

When I am missing you, lying with thoughts of you in my head,
I let the sweet music fly around and fill up the empty space
And close my eyes and see your sweet face...
Dream about the times I would have no more words left unsaid....

A crystal ball before her eyes
And cards in her hands
A thick perfume engulfs the room
A talking parrot perched at a corner
And these are supposed to tell
What the future has in store?
What the future really holds?

O fortuneteller, tell me now
Would love survive of us...?

How can the stars in Heaven
Or the pictures in the cards
Tell us where we'd finally end?
Isn't knowing the future just pretend?
What if and what not
Are not questions to be sought...

O fortuneteller, tell me true
Would love survive of us...?

But it is the way you understand
Know that my future won't be spelt
By the lines in my hand
that makes me certain...

Fortuneteller is us alone;
We will make love survive...

A voice comes floating out of the radio -
A voice which I really know...
I've heard it in happy days - I've heard it when it was sad
Heard it reminiscing about the good times and bad it had had!
Somewhere familiar but somehow distant.
Playing hide and seek; in any instant...
You had told me to listen to the radio;
And now it's turned on, playing songs I used to know -
After a long time, I hear happiness from a voice that had once died.
A chirpy soul that had once cried.
And though it seems unfair to sing praises of you alone -
It's good to see you've finally found your way back home.
May you always find the words of the song etched in your heart.
And may God or life let you know from each end there is a start.
This thing - this little time spent on the radio -
It is the beginning of a wonderful show

Farewell,
my beloved, my muse
let there not be words of abuse,
As we part ways and wait for a new dawn,
and slip into a life where we are gone.
At least now, we are not torn.

Still treasured and cherished are those golden hours,
because we both know we lost the moon -
Counting the stars.


Farewell,
to the good times that we've shared, beautiful moments that we had.
And even though I feel sad -
It is for the greater good, that we part ways.
Deep down inside I'll remember these days.


I am sorry that I could not control my emotions,
and let them run wild,
Sometimes I do behave like a child...

But a part of me that can't let you go,
Needs to realize, needs to know
There won't be a sunshine when you're gone,
Yet there won't be a Sun until there's a new dawn.

So farewell,
my muse, my beloved, my sweet sunshine -
The pain won't bother much...
Because you were never mine.

A hot sultry evening -
one by one, like some shy bride
the thoughts come inside my head...
and then begin to gather,
these thoughts run wild!!!

A gentle breeze picks up,
and strings together the disconnected thoughts -
blowing like some untamed storm
in the depths of my
secluded mind.

It stops, slows down and starts again
But what are these thoughts?
That refuse to come during the light of the day -
when the mind wants to think???

Forwards and backwards...
faster and slower
and slower and faster again,
till the thoughts begin to drown,
and I am surrounded -

Perched in the same place,
Swaying...
With life.

"People come into your life for a
REASON, SEASON and LIFETIME"

But what about you and me?
And the way we have journeyed?

You said once there was a REASON for being friends...
And I asked whether you'd remain even when this SEASON ends!

And how you laughed at the apprehension and the thoughts going in my head-
Assuring me, it is good there is nothing left unsaid.

But only time could tell
If everything in the end would be well...

If over the course of time,
You'd remain just not much mingled with mine.

Whether we are meant to be for a LIFETIME or not,
Is a question to be answered by time - and now forgot!

Just like the rain falls on the parched ground,
Quenching its thirst - that had bothered it for days,
With that sweet smell...that wraps itself in the wind-
The words we exchange,
and the talks we talk have the same effect.

Like the rain comes down and washes away,
The dust and the dirt that had gathered around,
In quite the same way your words come down,
and wash over me.
And my soul is cleansed of all the ill will,
The petty worries that bother.

Like the intoxicating sweet perfume of the rain,
your mere presence washes over me.
Tag the way I feel whenever we talks
as anything you want -
Perhaps a friendship,
beyond the comprehension of many.

And I remain forever in your debt.
When the days are dark; and it feels like rain-
Remember me and smile again.
There are no ways I can thank you enough,
for being with me & bearing me,

And if it happens to rain...
I'll remember your words
&
Smile again.

And talking to you,
is like talking to me...
Just not a mere reflection
but somehow a little free.
Out of the confinements,
the enchained soul.
When the words tumble out,
and the stories untold.
Never betrayed, and secrets kept
just between you and me.
No strings attached
like the waves of the sea...
There is nothing to hold us back,
nothing to keep together or apart.
An unexplainable connection
between two hearts.
So please keep talking to me,
and I'll talk to you.
Though we are mere reflections,
Somewhere, we are true...

They say it is the pitcher of water,that would sustain and comfort...
when the days are hard & the nights are cold.
The pitcher never empties;for it can be filled again..
It remains constant.
Through sun, wind or rain...
No tides can upset, nor the calm reflect.
In a way it is - unreasonably perfect.

And is that why, my eyes stray?
Towards the ocean - a little away?
Because though not not tired of this perfect prison;I need to live.
That's my reason.
I need to embrace life, drown in laughter & love...
Let love wash away my fears...
Wipe away the tears, I have cried through the years...

But every time I try, a little by little,
I hear an agonizing cry...
And turn to look back...and then I lose track.

I can't answer the call of the ocean,
With the waves crashing wild -
Because I've grownup from being a child...

And unwilling though, at times my heart can be,
I content myself with the pitcher...
Because I cannot ever answer the calls from the sea.

The pitcher is forever, for everyday use.
W…

Wonderfully intertwined, with the heart.
Just not in the mind.
She had often see the face in her dreams,
But nothing mattered now.
She knows nothing is ever what it seems.

And he smiled at her from a distance,
Raised his glass, to acknowledge her for an instance.
The he turned away, knowing this is the end.
She whispered to the wind, "Farewell, my friend."

It had been a bittersweet journey for them both,
But they'd sworn no oath,
Nor taken a vow -
To not let things be, anywhere - anyhow.

"I'll keep you safe in my heart," she felt him say,
When he brushed past her, dancing with another, away.
She bowed her head,
But not a word she said.

Tears stung at the corner of her eyes,
However, this was the moment she realized.
It had not been lies,
But that was how...she knew things die.

Watching him dance away, she felt a part of herself go.
Where exactly, she would never know....
She could still feel him - wrapped warmly around her heart.
Still feel the warmth, she'd felt at the start…

This, this time..there are no words
That would express...
Things that I should like to say -
Things that simply impress.

Fascination has reached its high,
And I really have no idea why...
You're still here, standing next to me.
Bound a little; but mostly free.

I know one day that you'll be gone,
Because I know you cannot let me be torn.
But now that you're here, please stay with me...
Stay with me, and I'll show you a world to see.

A world that I've built around this place,
And surrounded by only the familiar faces.
Nevertheless there always will be spaces...
Happiness through quietitude and some embraces.

What I've not said as yet,
and you like to before I forget -

THANK YOU, for the soul food.
Thank you, for being so good...

You're still here, when you could have gone away.
I know one day you won't be there to stay.

But till you decide to go off and fly...
Just keep being the person you are, and never ask me why...

"Sometimes in life we meet someone, who means a lot to us,
But in the end we realize it was never meant to be
and we just have to let go..."

However, in some corner of my heart,
you shall always remain.
Away from the limelight...
But somewhere in the shadows,
is where your memories rest.

In a distant place, not the surface.
Far from the world to see;
Somewhere you remain,
Vaguely but still with me.

I often brush past your remains,
the memories from long ago..
and I still don't know.
How you're still left, in the shadows
far corner, never in front of me...
And that's where I'll let you be.

Because I've let go of you.
And all that's left of you - is only me.

The way he looks at the world, is not how
you or I would see it...
From behind the lens - he seems to see
things that do not come to our mind -
Or things that we see and choose to ignore...
Or things that are there, yet beyond the veil.
Perhaps he can see it better.
More clearly.
Than any one of us.

On the surface he seems like us,
a part of us -
very much ordinary.
And yet there is this spark, this hint of difference.
Shown through those images,
that he captures through that lens
and I try to understand. And at times fail.

What he tries is to take his feelings -
sometimes venting with the help of his ink,
and others through those pictures.
The pictures taken, sometimes in jest and sometimes serious.
And some others stolen -
perhaps from the time, when he thinks no is looking.

Little attention that he pays,
and tries to modify his visions - at times painstakingly
for days...
Behind those images, beyond those visions
that he likes to keep captured,
is perhaps the heart,
the realness of the boy.

Forcing himself to…

Would you call me crazy; for when I cannot speak
WORDS escape from the tip of my pen?
Would you call it insanity -
that all my emotions stay buried, far away
because I feel the world shouldn't see me this way.
For I know no one would understand
And I am unable to speak,
When emotions tear at my soul...
my eyes invariably search for pen and paper,
I'm breaking the habit tonight.

This is the last time, the very last
that all I feel and how I see the world
finds its place on paper; strung together
in so many words.
It is perhaps because I think too much
and let those emotions flow wild
I ended up as the confused child...
No matter what thought, feeling or person
comes my way, teases my will - to never find a muse,
know this: I will never write again.
The habit gets broken tonight....

Don't tell me, that this is wrong
and don't raise your eyebrows at me...
Trying to search for the truth beyond the apparent thing
Please don't look at me with those accusatory eyes.

Can you try to understand, please,
that someone like me can never get tied down?
It's not that I cannot love,
But because I love differently.

Would just try once, and say if you really understand me?

A person like me can give you,
more than what you bargained for - unconditional love
a questionless life
and yet we remain miles apart!

Guilt is consuming me from the inside.
Please don't make it worse by the accusing look on your face...
I can only but try; but it would take sometime for mind to erase.
Give me sometime and only then would I get tied down.

I can intertwine myself with you,
Breathe the breaths of air you take in.
Become one with you.

But what I cannot do...

Is to promise, that others would inspire me
And maybe I would have feelings for them too -
Nevertheless, I can assure you.

My love f…

They say good friends come to an end when you leave school,
and they say if you think you've a good friend in college -
You're nothing but a fool.
They say that college cannot outnumber the fun
you had back in those years
When childhood was the new experience
with fun and laughter and tears...
They say a lot of things.
But they never told me about the people I would meet here:

RoHiNi

In some ways, she remains a silly naive child
But she shares the soul -
of a young woman in the making
About to conquer the world.
About to face a new dawn that's breaking...

And her laughter, rings in the air,
She gazes around wildly at times -
Wondering why the world never seems to be there...
Where she had always thought it belonged.

At times she cries, curses at life
The next minute she laughs,
Unpredictable girl - caught between -
the ecstasy of childhood and the duties of an adult.
Caught in the moment between girl and woman.

In some ways, she is the grown up
Gracefully gliding through her life -
Messing it up …

I've always liked keeping my distance from people
and things that fascinate me,
That make me look deep within my own soul
and search for answers, I know might never get...

But these people (and I thank God for bringing them to me)
are sometimes my very reason for happiness.

From a safe way off, I drink in the joy
the sounds of laughter and when their eyes stray towards me
I smile unknowingly
and they, they try to hide their surprise and smile back.

Ah people, the ones who inspire me to write
would you never learn why I love you so?

Yes - I admit it. I have pretty strong feelings for you,
A part of me would always love you more than anyone else does
But at the same time learn to know,
I haven't fallen in love with you.

Can't you understand? You helped me create a beautiful thing,
A lovely piece people like to term "poetry"....

You were the reason why out of my pen flew
so many inspired writing, so many pages got filled in.
They were born from the glimpses I caught of yo…