Musing: While the World Slept
“The night is the hardest time to be alive and 4 am knows all my secrets.”
― Poppy Z. Brite
Even though I love all my friends dearly there are certain times when I like nothing better than to sit by myself and get utterly lost in my own labyrinth of thoughts. Yesterday night was one such day for me. Or should be day before yesterday night?
We had stayed over at a friend's house. And she lives on the seventh floor of the oldest high rise in Gariahat...and I'll admit that I've fallen head over heels in love with her verandah. After everyone had retired for the night around 3 am, I sat there, looking out into the street and wondering how could I've lived in this city for twenty four years and never realized how pretty she is?
|Gariahat-Golpark Mor at 3:!4am|
My precious digital camera got spoiled last year and I've not bought a new one. All I have is a 'smart phone' which sometimes decides to freeze on me -_-
But I just had to click a picture to keep it in my memory forever. I fiddled on YouTube on the said smart phone, hoping I'd find the perfect song playing in the background, as I watched a lone car or two pass by. There were just too many thoughts running through my head, as I sat there, alone.
Yes, I was alone. But I wasn't lonely in the slightest. My city kept me company in the silence. And as it happens with most perfect moments, I found the song, which moved me to tears...
You're trying not to think about what went wrong
Trying not to stop 'til you get where you goin'
You're trying to stay awake so I bet you turn on the radio
And the song goes
Who knew that a song I'd discovered pretty much accidentally about a year ago, would be the song that fit into this particular situation? Nothing really happened, you see. Except...I finally felt at peace. I have felt like a duck for more than a year now - all calm on the surface, but paddling like a psychopath underneath to keep myself from drowning.
I have been so scared of getting hurt, I've blocked people from getting to know me. I always thought keeping people at distance was the safest bet for both me and the person in question. Too often I took shelter under rudeness and anger...no one likes approaching people who are always cold. Isn't it?
But as the song went on, I realized something else.
The highway won't hold you tonight
The highway don't know you're alive
The highway don't care if you're all alone
But I do, I do.
The highway won't dry your tears
The highway don't need you here
The highway don't care if you're coming home
But I do, I do.
And when all had seemed lost last year, there were people who came into my life and the ones who'd always been there in my life. Tore down the walls I'd spent so long building up. Who cared and still care, more than words can ever tell you. Whose 'I love you's have always come from the heart. Who don't shy away from telling me exactly what they think of me. And whose one hug managed to heal my broken heart - not once, but a million times over.
I slept off around 4:30 am. Content that I no longer have to hide behind the silence. Even though it's peaceful, sometimes it's nice to speak up.
|Same place, at 8:15am|
I woke up around seven thirty....and half an hour later, as we sipped tea in the verandah, I took this second picture.
"I think I witnessed some kind of a story," I told my friend.
"I know what you mean," my friend smiled, "this verandah has seen a lot of them, I think."
I came home and still couldn't get over the beautiful thing that I experience. And I know words will never do justice to the hours I spent musing in the verandah, while the rest of world slept soundly.
Must have still been pretty buzzed with the happiness and exhilaration of the brilliant time spent in the quietness of the beautiful night...because when someone asked me to read their blog post, I actually sent the following picture -
|And a collage of the two pictures, because I was really happy :)|
Saying, "Doesn't this tell a story in itself? I had no idea my city could be this beautiful. I got to know that yesterday. ^_^"
And I must have really scared the person, because after a brief, "They re nice!", they disappeared. Oh well, I guess I really should've stayed away from socializing when my head was clearly somewhere else...
There are certain things which no matter how hard you try - you can never explain to someone else. I guess last night was one such experience.
On that note,
“Some nights are made for torture, or reflection, or the savoring of loneliness.”
― Poppy Z. Brite