Musings: Learn to Love Again
The first thought
that crosses my mind as I look at the title of this blog post is – why? Why am I
even writing this? But as I calm down and let the words flow through the tips
of my fingers, I realize that this has always been how I function. Whenever my
world stops making sense I run into the safe embrace of writing. Because this
is the only place where I feel sheltered, the only place where I am invincible.
No matter how badly this world might break me I am convinced that I can put myself
back again, one word at a time.
The second thought
that comes into my mind as I gulp down the last bit of tea is that this is my
favourite time of the year. It always has been ever since I was a child. My mother
always told me to write letters to Santa Claus because he would be there on
Christmas, exactly when the clock struck midnight, carrying the presents I had
requested. But apparently with every passing year I began to ask for things
that Santa Claus couldn’t really bring me. Of course like every other kid in
the world, I learned that Santa Claus was just our parents masquerading around,
letting us believe in a little bit of magic until we learned how truly bleak
this world is.
When we were kids, my
siblings and I would decorate the Christmas tree, would eagerly put out the socks
and wait for morning to break. When we realized it was just our parents giving
us presents – we started giving them presents too all under the guise of Santa
Claus. It was fun while it lasted. We are too old for the Santa Claus charade
to go on, but we still go on with it.
You know I am beginning
to realize that learning to love again is a lot like believing in Santa Claus. You
can be sure that sometime you’re going to get your heart broken, and sometimes
there will be some ugly fights but that doesn’t mean you’re going to shut your
heart away from all of it. When we get hurt our first instinct is to swear that
this will never happen again. I am not an exception. Despite the fact I encourage
my friends to fall in love, I assure them that I will catch them if they fall
and writing them letters about how they need to realize they deserve love, I sometimes
forget that I need to hear those words as well.
It’s not like I don’t.
I have friends constantly encouraging me to break out of my shell, to try new
things. Friends who tell me, over and over that you shouldn’t judge everything
in your life based on that one bad incident that has shaken you to the core. While
I do find it difficult to learn to love again, I don’t think it’s impossible. Because
in spite of all our differences, love is the one thing that will still bring us
together.
Love works in
mysterious ways. It sneaks up on you when you least expect it. Maybe initially
you’re annoyed by the presence. And you fight your feelings, and you rant and
rave, and you yell about how this is not how you thought your life was going to
turn out to be. Yet at the same time you cannot ignore the determined little
voice that whispers to you, Come on. You can
learn to love again…
